Homesick

      A List of Things I'm Looking Forward to About Getting Home.

       In no particular order...

• Wearing shorts, tee shirts, and sandals again, everyday. 

• Also my heels... My beautiful heels....

• Trips to the beach with the besties!

• Checking things off our bucket list.

• Sleeping in my own bed with Porky. I miss that guy...

• Buying a pet turtle. It's been something like three years since my hamster died. I think it's time to move on...

• Cleaning up the beach and washing cars with the Student Council.

• Doing this to my hair. :)

• Baking again! My pinterest is covered in recipes that I've been dying to try for the past 3 weeks. Also thinking of trying some baking with amaranth flour. 

• Easier access to Caffeine (It's that revered that it requires capitalization of the first letter.)

• Some relaxed summer wardrobe shopping.

• Finding out what play I'll be spending my summer rehearsing and performing.

• Getting back to running every morning, and working out my arms and abs with my buddies. I want a 4-pack!!

• Being able to blast my music while doing boring tasks.

• Smashing all my junk from this trip into my Smash Book.

• Wednesday nights at Palm Valley.

• Leaving home again for SC camp at Mo Ranch!

It started out as the sound a bird makes

Sometimes I just sit back and realize how much I love my life.
It's not perfect and it never will be.
But I'm so blessed with a knowledge of God and am surrounded with people who love me.

There will always be those who are rude and mean and just plain don't give a darn about anyone else.

To them I say, I'm sorry.

I don't know what your life is like.
I don't why you are the way you are.
Maybe you've had it rough.
We all have.
I'll do whatever I can to be a friend.
But I am choosing not to let your rudeness and careless actions change the way I look at my life and my relationships with others.

I am very fortunate.
I always know that if I look hard enough I can find someone who cares about me and who will listen.
I don't know if you have that...
So I'm trying to cut you some slack.
I don't know what to think of you.
I don't which of your words to believe.

So I guess I'm saying in a way that I'm done with you.
Because trust is the foundation that this life of mine is built upon.
And I don't trust you.
I don't trust you at all.
You've screwed me over just a few too many times.
You're out of chances.

At any point over the past ten months you could have had me.
If you would have pulled it together, I was as good as yours.

There are three words, all monosyllables, that I've denied over and over again.
Partially because I am confused.
But I finally admitted to myself that those three words were true.
It seems such a waste that the honor would go to you.
Unfortunately those words might still be true.
I hope that they fade and I hope that you do too.

But there's still that nagging feeling that, you and I?
We're not quite through.

And in some ways that makes me happy and in a lot of ways that makes me sad.
Leading to this confused state that follows me from state to state.
2000 miles, 3  1/2 miles, makes no difference.
It's not worth the effort.
My surroundings are so different, inside my head it's so the same.
Vegetarianism can be a lonely lane.

So at this point there's not a lot left to say.

It's 3 in the morning my time, it's 2 where you lay.
Your  voice is a distant memory, your voicemail is nothing like you sound today.
So I guess I lost control again.
And I guess I don't care enough to get it back.
Today is a holiday, so I guess that I'll pretend not to wait.
We'll see, I guess, what becomes of us, but we'll be coming separately.
That's the one guard rail to which I will concede.

As for everything else I guess we'll jump off the cliff and see.
But I've got a feeling that you've got a parachute and I've got a pair of floaties.

Chapter Two

So here we are. 
This is the second installment in my blackout poem series. 
This is the second time I've tried to write this post. 
The first time I kept backspacing, rewriting.... It just didn't feel right. I wasn't ready. I couldn't find a way to say what I wanted to say, it felt untrue, and I just got really frustrated and sleepy, so I went to bed.
 A lot has changed in the short time since the 28th of January. 
I've had some triumphs, I've had some failures, there's been plenty of disappointment, and more reminders that life is unfair. 
I've had my fun and I've played some games. I've gone back and forth, but I've made some decisions. 
And while there are still many words unsaid and decisions left unmade, and the decisions that have been made aren't necessarily final, I'm happy to leave them that way....
I suppose they'll all join me somewhere along the way...
Because I think that now I can safely say - I am ready to open Chapter Two.

The impact has been made, my choices and experiences will follow me, but I'm curious to see how the rest of 2012 will shape my story.


It's never to late to start something new. 
Whenever you're ready chapter two is waiting for you.

An Anecdote

Scene: Dining room table. 
Mom: Flipping through seed catalog. 
Me: Glued to Pinterest. 
*Starts to quietly sing* 'I remember, I remember when I lost my mind.... There was something so pleasant about that place... Even your emotions have an echo In so much space.... And I think it's crazy... Yeah I think you're crazy...' 
Mom interrupts: Where did you get that song? 
Me: It's 'Crazy' by Gnarls Barkley.... Look. *Plays song on laptop* 


30 seconds later.... 


Mom picks up seed catalog and leaves room. 
Me: Wait are you leaving because of the song?
Mom: ...... no.......


I love my mom. :)

Black Out

So around two weeks ago I finally tried blackout poetry inspired by the amazing Austin Kleon. My sister got one of his prints for Christmas and since I haven't written any poetry of my own for months and I can't think of anywhere near by busy enough for me to try street poetry which is what I really want to try out... The inspiration came at a good time. 
And actually it's crazy fun! It's poetry without the usual process of adding and subtracting, exchanging, moving around, and switching of order of words until it's perfect, because all the words are already there you need only subtract. Which is fantastic since I always preferred subtraction to addition in grade school math!
Not every poem is award winning material but if nothing else it's a great creative exercise with sometimes pretty amusing or even beautiful results.
So over the next few days/weeks/months I'll be posting some of my favorite/most legible blackout poems. 


Here is one that I think all coffee lovers/tired people in general can relate to.

Now go find yourself a sharpie and an old harlequin (I'll save the back story on why I own several old harlequin romance novels for another post) and you can have just as much fun as me! 


(Unless of course you're one of those people who thinks scribbling all over any written work no matter the subject matter or weight is a crime...)


(If that's you, you probably aren't going to like my blog very much.... Well thanks for stopping by anyway! No hard feelings, right?)